Still My Nerfherder
by EsmeAmelia
Summary: In their old age, Han gives Leia some shocking news. Lucas-canon only.


AN: I don't own Star Wars. This was written for a fic exchange with my fellow H/L loving friend MasterOf4Elements and it's Lucas-canon only (TFA didn't happen in this story's universe, rather obviously.).

"Still My Nerfherder"

By EsmeAmelia

"Han?"

Han sat on the living room sofa of their Naboo retirement home, gazing out the window at the lakeview, his wrinkled fingers vaguely scratching each other in his lap.

"Han?" Leia repeated, slowly sitting next to her husband of over forty years. "Han, how did the doctor visit go?"

Han just kept staring out as if he hadn't heard.

"Han?" Leia persisted, running her hand through her husband's silver hair. "Is something wrong?" A small gasp escaped when a realization came to her. "You're not _sick_ , are you?"

"I'm seventy-nine," Han muttered, still not looking away from the window. "That's sure possible, isn't it?"

" _Are_ you sick?" Leia exclaimed.

"Depends on what you call _sick."_

"Han, stop it!" Leia grabbed his ear and turned his head to face her. "Tell me what's going on."

Han just blinked at her for several moments, almost as if he were trying to memorize her face. "I'm . . . I'm goin' blind, okay?"

Leia's hand dropped. "What?" she exclaimed in a sharp whisper.

"I'm goin' _blind!"_ Han repeated, abruptly turning back to the window. "It's already started – things're already lookin' darker than they should. Soon it'll be just like after I came outta carbonite – only it'll be for the rest of my life!"

Leia had to swallow several times before she could speak. "How . . . how long?"

Han gave a raspy sigh. "A month . . . maybe two if I'm lucky."

"Are there options?"

Han sighed again, gazing back out at the lakeview, where the afternoon sun was sparkling on the water. "There's surgery . . ." he muttered.

"What kind of surgery?"

"What kind do you _think?_ Surgery to give me new eyes – but there's only about a fifty percent chance of success. My brain might not recognize signals from the new eyes."

Leia wrapped her arm around her husband, unable to think of what to say. She tried to imagine how she would feel if the world would go dark in a month and the only hope to keep the light was to have new eyes implanted, but she found a barrier in her mind. The lakeview, the living room, Han, she could still see all of them – why would they ever go out?

Ever-so-gently, she placed her hand on her husband's cheek and nudged his face to look at her with those beautiful hazel eyes she knew so well. They blinked at her as if even now they were having difficulty making her out.

His hazel eyes, the eyes that were part of him, the eyes that she so strongly associated with him . . . the eyes he would have to _lose_ if he wanted any hope of retaining his eyesight.

No, why was she thinking this? Wouldn't his old eyes be a small price to pay for him to see again?

If new eyes saved his sight, what reason would there be to miss his old eyes?

She cleared her throat. "Well . . . Jacen called earlier. He'd like to bring his family over to visit and he indicated that Jaina might want to bring her kids over too." Her hand dug into his cheek, savoring the scratchiness of his stubble. "He also hinted that Anakin might finally pop the question soon."

Han was silent, glancing downwards as if he couldn't handle looking his wife in the eye.

"Han?" Leia asked in her gentlest voice.

"The kids . . ." Han muttered, ". . . the grandkids . . . how'm I gonna tell _them?"_

Leia slowly put her hand on her husband's shoulder, squeezing him, feeling his strong shoulder blade through his shirt. "Tell them . . . that Grandpa's having trouble seeing now, but the doctors are going to help make him better."

"And what if they _don't?_ What if the surgery fails – _then_ what do I tell 'em?"

Leia swallowed. "Well . . . then we'll figure something out." She leaned over, gently kissing his stubbly cheek. "I imagine they'll be eager to help Grandpa."

"Yeah," Han mumbled. "Help Grandpa get around cause he can't see where he's goin'. Read to Grandpa cause Grandpa can't see text anymore. Describe stuff to Grandpa cause Grandpa can't see 'em anymore." He slowly looked back up, once more squinting at his wife, his eyes moistening. "The rest of my life, Leia. The _rest of my fucking life!"_

With that, Leia wrapped her arms around him and pulled him up to her, letting him rest his head on her shoulder. "Well . . . it's not the end of the world. I mean, you still have your _brain –_ some people your age can't function without assistance or remember anything . . ."

"I _know,"_ interrupted Han. "Yeah, I still got my brain – I still got my brain so I'm aware of everything goin' _dark_ and I can remember when I could see stuff and . . . _"_

Leia kissing his cheek again cut him off. "Honey, why don't we go outside?"

"What?"

"Come on, just follow me."

She took her husband's hand and led him through the glass door onto their back porch, still facing the lake. Her initial idea was to watch the lake from the porch, but then she had a better idea. Before Han could ask anything, she led him down to the lakeshore itself, where the water was coming in and out, in and out in its permanent cycle of waves.

"Take off your shoes," she said, bending over and removing her own shoes, her back creaking as she did so.

"Why?"

"Just do it."

Han had never been able to argue with "just do it," so he bent over, creaking his own back, and took off his shoes. "Okay, what's all this about?"

Again Leia took her husband's hand. "Close your eyes." To show that she was serious with her instructions, she closed her own eyes as well. "Now see the lake without your eyes."

She led him a few steps forward until the lake's small waves brushed over their feet, leaving behind their cool droplets. In and out, in and out came the waves, immersing their feet in refreshing coolness. "Feel it, Han," she murmured. "And listen." She took a deep breath, inhaling the fresh, cool air and taking in the lake's lapping and the birds' chirping.

They stood together for several minutes before Leia reached over to her husband's face, still not opening her eyes. "And . . ." she finally said while slowly, seductively wrapping her arms around his neck, ". . . feel _this."_

She kissed him, one of her long, passionate kisses. At first he didn't respond, but after one, two, three seconds, she felt him sucking on her lips and wrapping his arms around her. In another three seconds, his hand made it up to the back of her head, his fingers running through her hair.

Her eyes didn't open again until the kiss broke, and then she found herself staring into her husband's hazel eyes, again looking like they were trying to memorize her. Perhaps she should try to memorize his eyes as well if he was going to lose them.

No . . . she already had them memorized.

"Whatever happens, you'll always have this," she murmured, pressing her hands into the back of his neck. "You're forever my nerfherder."

He stared at her, ever so slowly cupping her cheek in his hand . . . then a tiny smile formed, accompanied by those beautiful hazel eyes moistening. "And you're my princess," he murmured back. "My _beautiful_ princess."

THE END


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